


And I Will Fix You

by kelsayyxo145



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Romance, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-12
Updated: 2013-04-30
Packaged: 2017-12-08 06:03:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/757925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelsayyxo145/pseuds/kelsayyxo145
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Its scary to be ready to die at such a young age isn't it? Kayleigh is 17 years old and more miserable than you can ever imagine. Pain and loneliness has driven her to her breaking point, making death seem like the only way out. All her life she's struggled with herself, trying to hold on as long as she could just hoping one day it would get better. But you can only hold on for so long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Walking down the empty city street, I kept my head down and clutched my coat tighter to me as another gust of wind sent chills down my body. It was another freezing night in London and all I had on was my jeans, a long sleeve tshirt, my jacket and my beanie. The city was quiet, the only sound the slapping of my converse against the sidewalk and the occasional sound of the wind whistling through the trees.

Besides the cold, it was actually a really beautiful night out. I tilted my head up towards the sky and marveled at the sight. The dark sky was clear and speckled with hundreds of stars, and the moon was full and bright tonight. I took a deep breath in and just stood there staring up into the sky and enjoying the moment. It was just so peaceful, like I was in my own little world. I was always a night person, going for walks and sitting outside to clear my head. I liked the quietness of it all. No people, no problems, nothing. Just me and the night.

I continued walking down the street not in a rush to get there, just taking my time and enjoying everything around me. I was just shuffling along and scuffing my feet on the sidewalk and humming to myself. Before long I was singing softly, enjoying the way my voice sounded floating through the empty streets.

_When you try your best but you don't succeed_

_When you get what you want but not what you need_

_When you feel so tired but you can't sleep_

_Stuck in reverse_

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse?_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

I crossed the street and turned the corner and continued walking down the road I had traveled so many times before. This was the place I came to forget about all my worries and problems. The place where I came when I needed to get away so I could breathe. It was my refuge. My peaceful getaway. I walked for a few more minutes before the bridge came into view, the cold hard metal of it gleaming in the moonlight. I walked across it to the middle of the bridge and put my palms on the cold hard surface and just stared out into the night, watching the moonlight reflect off the water.

I stepped up onto the railing and swung my legs over and sat on the edge, my arms braced behind me while my legs dangled over the edge. I inhaled a deep breath and slowly let it out and just closed my eyes and continued my song where I left off.

_And high up above or down below_

_When you're too in love to let it go_

_But if you never try you'll never know_

_Just what you're worth_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

_Tears stream down your face_

_When you lose something you cannot replace_

_Tears stream down your face_

_And I_

_Tears stream down your face_

_I promise you I will learn from my mistakes_

_Tears stream down your face_

_And I_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

I just stared out at the water as my thoughts started to wander and all the negative thoughts came rushing in like always. All my life I’ve always been the outcast, the girl nobody wanted. The few friends I have are gorgeous, always getting all the attention, and then there’s me. The girl who’s never good enough for anyone. Not even her own parents. My father abandoned me when I was just a little girl, and my mom and I were never that close, always fighting all the time and as I got older it only got worse. I feel like the whole world is crushing down on me and I can’t breathe.

There’s so much pressure from everyone, so many choices I need to make, so many things I’m scared of doing wrong. All my life I’ve known I was a failure, that I was never going to make anyone proud especially my mom. I was always struggling trying to keep myself above the water and at the same time please everybody. Just so that for once in my life I could hear somebody say they were proud of me. But nothing I ever do is enough and I just can’t do it anymore. It’s like everything is just spinning all around me so fast and I’m screaming for it all to stop just for a minute but it won’t. I try and see myself in the future and I can’t. I can’t see a future for myself anymore.  I’m just so tired.

I feel something cold and wet slide down my cheek and I reach my hand up to my face only to realize I’m crying. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I hadn’t even noticed the tears streaming down my face. I sit there for who knows how long just crying my eyes out and when the tears finally stop I feel numb. It’s like I’ve cried out all my emotions and all that’s left is just this empty shell of myself. I’m swinging my legs back and forth and I stare down at the water. Its dark and the light is shining off it and theres small ripples on the surface. To me it looks peaceful, inviting. I take one last deep breath and look up at the sky. Its almost time for me to go. I shut my eyes and let one last thought run through my mind.

_I’m sorry_


	2. Chapter 2

 

The club was packed, bodies pressed tightly against one another, drunk people grinding against each other whichever way you looked. The music thumped loudly throughout the club, making it impossible to hear anything. I pushed and shoved my way through the crowd until I reached the bar where I ordered myself another drink. I was barely tipsy as I hadn’t had many drinks yet as I spent most of my time on the dance floor. The boys couldn’t come with me tonight as they were all busy doing there own things but I didn’t mind much, I was having a great time just by myself. The bartender slid my rum and coke across the bar and I didn’t waste any time chugging it down. I slammed the glass back down on the bar and went back to the dancefloor.

I spent the next hour or so dancing with a few girls, but honestly it wasn’t as fun as I thought it’d be going to a bar alone and since it was already midnight I decided to head back to my flat. I squeezed my way through the mass of bodies pressed together until I finally reached the door and stepped out into the fresh air. It felt so good to be outside after being packed in with a bunch of sweaty drunk people for hours. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and pulled it out to see a new text from Liam

_You still at the club? –Liam_

I typed back a quick reply saying I was just leaving and heading back to my flat for the night and that I would text him when I got home.

I started off down the road not wanting to take a cab as I was really enjoying the beautiful night out. The club wasn’t too far from my flat, just a couple blocks so I knew it wouldn’t take me too long. I shoved my hands in my pockets and shuffled down the road kicking stones and enjoying the quiet. As I was about the turn the corner, I heard a quiet humming voice. My eyebrows scrunched in confusion and out of curiosity I turned left and started off towards the voice.

I was walking down a slightly deserted road when she came into view, sitting on the top ledge of the bridge. I thought nothing of it as I crept closer. Her voice was beautiful, soft and smooth, flowing nicely against the quiet of the night. I stood back just watching her in awe and she swung her legs back and forth and got lost in the song.

As it ended, she just leaned back and started up at the sky and I couldn’t help but wonder what she was thinking about. She leaned forward and looked down at the water and that’s when it hit me. I knew what she was going to do. I felt my heart stop and my blood run cold. I watched her brace herself on the edge as she prepared to throw herself off, and I stumbled out of the bushed tripping over my own feet trying to get to her so fast.

“Wait stop don’t do it!” I shouted as I came to a halt a few feet from her

Her eyes shot up and met mine, shock clearly written on her face as she wasn’t expecting to be interrupted. My heart broke at the sight of her, her bright blue eyes filled with tears that were spilling down her cheeks. She ran her hand through her brown wavy hair as her tears ran faster and she started trying to choke back the sobs that were now racking her body.

I slowly walked forward not wanting to startle her even more, and I carefully reached my hand out to her. I could hear my heart thumping loudly in my chest and feel the pounding in my ears.

I stopped where I was a few feet from her and kept my hand outstretched just hoping she wouldn’t jump.

“Please” my voice came out just barely louder than a whisper but I knew she could hear me.

“Lets just talk okay?" Her eyes met mine again and were filled with tears making me notice just how bright and beautiful her eyes were. She didn’t give me any answer or even a nod of her head so I kept going.

“How about I just sit next to you for a minute and we’ll talk alright?" I slowly inched forward a little more.

She flinched and inched forward more on the ledge and I froze in my tracks.

“Alright okay its alright I wont come any further. “ I stammered trying to keep my voice calm and steady. I figured I’d try and get a conversation going and try to calm her down and distract her.

“um what’s your name? I’m Niall by the way.” I leaned myself against the railing a few feet from where she was sitting.

“Kayleigh” she whispered so low I could barely hear her

“That’s a really pretty name, its nice to meet you Kayleigh” I racked my brain for anything to keep her talking.

“So do you have any siblings?” I internally yelled at myself for the stupid choice of topic but it was the only thing I could think of.

“no I don’t I’m an only child” she mumbled, staring down at the water and swaying her feet back and forth.

“Oh I have a brother, he’s older than me, his names Greg.”

“No offense but why are you doing this? Just walk away and forget about me alright” she said without even looking up. I heard her sniffling so I assumed she was crying again but I couldn’t tell.

I was shocked, my mouth hanging open forming a perfect o. Did she really think I was just going to walk away and pretend I never saw her? Just let her fling herself over the edge?

“You can’t be serious? You really think I would just leave you? I may not know you but I care and I wanna help you. I don’t want you to do this.” I could hear my voice starting to waver but I had to keep myself and her calm

She turned and looked at me with watery eyes and in that second I knew. No matter what I said, she was going to do it. She was going to throw herself over.

 _“..I’m sorry.”_ She whispered, all the emotion in her eyes suddenly gone.

She turned back to the water and I stumbled over myself trying to get to her. She pushed off the ledge just as I threw my arms around her and pulled as hard as I could.

We both tumbled back and collapsed on the ground, her struggling in my grip but I held tight. I wasn’t letting her go. I couldn’t let her do this.

She was twisting and turning trying to get free from my grasp.

“why did you do that why didn’t you let me go! She wailed, tears pouring down her cheeks. She began hitting me as sobs wracked her body

“I hate you I want to die don’t you get that! I want to die I want to die I want to die! She screamed, her whole body shaking as she continued sobbing

I just held on even tighter.

“Shh it’s alright it’s gonna be okay I promise” I held her to my chest like a little child and rocked her back and forth.

Her anger passed and she was left a crying mess, clutching to me with all she had.

We sat in the street while I calmed her down, running my hands through her hair and rocking her and whispering soothing things to her.

We sat there for quite a while before I knew we should go. There was no way I was letting her just walk off, she was coming back to my flat until I figured out what to do. I was gonna take care of her.

“Kayleigh I’m gonna take you back to my house for the night alright?” I didn’t give her a chance to respond before I was picking her up in my arms and starting off towards my flat.

She had her arms wrapped around my neck and she was cuddling into my chest. I looked down to see her eyes closed and her breathing evening out. She was utterly exhausted and she had every right to be, I mean she just tried to kill herself.

It only took me a few minutes before I was walking up the few steps to my flat. I shuffled her around trying not to wake her up and grabbed my keys from my pocket and unlocked the door before going in and kicking it shut with my foot.

I took her up the flight of stairs and into my bedroom and gently laid her down on my bed. She was still sound asleep as I took off her sneakers and pulled the covers up over her body. She looked so peaceful when she was sleeping. I sat on the edge of the bed being careful not to wake her up. I brushed some of the hair out of her face. She was honestly so beautiful. I gently wiped the tears off her cheeks and stood up and went back down stairs.

I sighed and threw myself onto the couch and just laid there staring at the ceiling. There were so many thoughts running through my head. What happened to her to make her feel that killing herself was the only option? What could have caused her that much pain? How was I going to help her? The thought of what would have happened if I wasn’t there sent chills down my spine. I considered calling Liam but it was already so late and I was exhausted. I’d call him in the morning, he would know what to do. Liam always knows what to do. I grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and cuddled up into it, letting my heavy eyelids finally shut and letting myself drift off to sleep. 


End file.
